I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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