Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
