She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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