it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
