True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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