AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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