do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Help. Why am I so naked?
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