Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
