I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
