i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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