Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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