She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
