im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
