it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
