i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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