he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
