After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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