The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
