Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
