i permit you to call me
Where is the hickey?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
