I don't usually arrange sex via text message
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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