She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
