I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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