watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
