she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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