Who did Billy Mays play for?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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