Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
