you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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