I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
