I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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