sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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