it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
