sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
