I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So much rum. So many feels.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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