He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
