just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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