Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
