Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
