He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
