He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
