Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
