So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
