well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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