I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
