Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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