no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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