The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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