I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
