I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
