Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
