so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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