HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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