I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
