I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
