It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
