Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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