I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
