There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
