I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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