its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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