Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
