we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
