If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
