I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize