this beer tastes like vomit already
Farmville is her only friend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just blew my weed a kiss
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
