i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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