You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
