I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
