I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
