DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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